When you set out to wreak mayhem, don’t forget the important things

This morning, a young woman got on the light rail a few stops after I did. She had pink & blue hair and the kind of colorful swirly skirt & tights getup you’d expect from that description – well, that people in Portland expect. She also carried a folded tripod and what appeared to be an M-4 assault rifle. Closer inspection of the latter revealed that it appeared to be a replica – the spray-on glitter was a subtle clue here. Still, it was a pretty convincing replica at first glance. Nobody said a word.

Her problem, as it turned out, was not her choice of fireams, it was that she neglected to buy a ticket. Yes, we had a fare inspector aboard who was working his way through the car. A few minutes after he got to Ms Pink and Blue, I heard the ominous radio crackle which means only one thing to a seasoned mass transit rider – she had no proof of fare, and the inspector was calling it in.

Let that be a lesson to all you would-be mass shooters: you can carry your M-4 on light rail, but don’t forget your fare.

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  • David Phillips  On February 23, 2014 at 4:59 pm

    I’m not really sure what you’re trying to say here, but I’ll point out a few things.
    A sparkly modern sporting rifle is not unusual at all.
    Are you certain it was a replica, or were you assuming that, because it was sparkly?
    Without going to lookup Oregon & Portland laws, I think that open carry is still quite legal.
    The fact that the conductor was much more concerned with proper payment of the fare is the way the world should be working.

  • ottojschlosser  On February 24, 2014 at 2:08 am

    The only correction I would make to your comment is that an M-14 is not a sporting rifle to my mind. It is specifically designed as a military weapon, hence the nomenclature. My main reason for this post was my impish delight at the various ironic elements, not to make any grand statement on firearms.

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